Enduring the fire.

Fire.
Useful, painful, dangerous, life-threatening, life giving.
A refiner's fire. Useful.
Heating the precious metals until all imperfections and impurities rise to the surface for all to see. Bubbling there unable to stay hidden.
If left, they will continue to choke out the beauty that is awaiting inside the liquid gold.
Being a parent is the equivalent to being thrown into a refiner's fire.....day after day after every single day.
Behaviors that I never would have imagined, were lurking down in the deep, darkness of my soul.
They begin to bubble up when put to the test of parenting.
Selfishness, greed, impatience. The list seems to never end.
When provoked with "Mom....Mom?....MOM!!?!!?!" even Mother Theresa herself might allow a sigh to escape her lips. With a glance of annoyance she would utter, "Masses of poor, cold and hungry children....might you give Mother just a moments peace?! For the sake of all that is Holy?!"
Parenthood is a great and powerful tool. It has the ability to transform multiple souls. Continually.... Day after day after every single day.
I am not the woman I was 13 years ago, not the woman I was last month, not the woman I was yesterday.
I will choose to protect the hearts of those that I have been given. Protect them from evil that may creep in, protect them from harsh words spoken, protect them from myself and everyday anger and frustration.
I WILL NOT let myself go. I desire to hold myself to a higher standard. I will give of myself with every breath. Life is not meant to be horded up like the last piece of birthday cake that you do not wish to share.
It is meant to be poured out for others breath by breath.
Just like the mother that everyone dreams about....always ready with a plateful of warm, gooey chocolate chip cookies and a listening ear. A safe haven to come to. Curl up and enjoy home.
Just like sitting on the lap of Jesus.
Accepted for who you are. Never a harsh word spoken. No condemnation. Grace oozing out every pore.
I wish to be refined day after day after everyday.
Thank you God that I am a mom.
Transformed.