Monday, September 21, 2009

I like myself! A lot!

To some, that might be a statement that sounds prideful or conceited. To others it may seem unimportant and irrelevant. But, to someone who has gone through most of their life trying to be someone that 'others' like and approve of?....well.... it is more of a statement that is hinted with a strong tone of genuine surprise!
This revelation came to full fruition this summer when I was blessed to go traipsing through Alaska with dad, mom, sister and brother-in-law, who by all counts are some of the very best company one could ask for. With a variety of adventures on the calendar and a spirit of childlike excitement, I left my family, husband, daughter and 2 sons, behind and went to go find myself....although I didn't know I had been lost till a couple weeks later.
By now, I have been a girl for 32 years, a wife for almost 13 of those and a mother for 12. Most of those years were spent trying to fit into someone else's idea of who I was supposed to be. I don't wish to be misunderstood though. I have most definitely had a wonderful life with more fun, silly, just plain great, memories than can fit into my head! But the older I've gotten, wiser really, I realize that most of those times I was trying to not be myself.
Whether church, friends, society, body type, etc can be blamed, it's hard to say. The finger can most likely be pointed at an odd mixed cocktail of them all put together, but the bottom line and the end result is that 'I'...the real me...was not good enough. Was not thin enough, 'sin-free' enough, funny enough, smart enough, intriguing enough, sexy enough. Whew, truly exhausting is what it was.
So, when I left behind all the hats that I have worn for sooo very long, and once the hat hair had worn off, I found myself in Alaska. In Alaska without anyone's lunch to pack, without meals to prepare, without hugs to give, without bottoms to wipe, without anyone else's expectations for me and without all the things that have completely and utterly defined me for over 13 years now. And you know what I found?

Me.
And I found that I like me.

I like my quirky sense of humor. I like that I am 'crafty'; that I can look at almost anything and think of a craft to make with it. I like that God gave me a voice to sing with. I like that I am a good friend. I like that I am considerate of others' feelings. (Well, at least more often than not.) I like that I love to read. I like that I love the color green. I really would have no problem going on and on, which may strike some people as my being rude. But I've decided, that after having been down on myself for so long and the fact that it feels so good to like myself more, that I think everyone should like me. ;)
And!.... with all kidding aside, if your heart wants to, you should make a list of what you like about yourself because I am confident that you will find that you are just as likable as me! =D